Ephesians 6:4
The Challenging Task
of a Father

This verse is from the letter of the apostle Paul to the church in Ephesus. It occurs near the end of the letter, in a section where he gives specific instructions to specific groups of people (wives, husbands, children, fathers, servants, and masters). Our verse today is for fathers and it tells them how to raise their children. If you are a father, this one is for you.

The verse has two commands, separated by an ‘alla’. The sentence structure is ‘don’t do this, but do that instead’. In sentences where it precedes imperatives, it often forms the transition into the cardinal matter. So while it is important that fathers do not provoke their children, it is even more important that they bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Let’s look at the various words to see what they mean.

The word for provoke is ‘parorgizo’, which comes from ‘para’ (close beside or alongside) and ‘orgizo’, which comes from ‘orge’ and means anger. The word ‘parorgizo’ is used only in one other place in the bible, in Romans 10:19, which is an Old Testament quote of Deuteronomy 32:21

Deuteronomy 32:21 They have provoked Me to jealousy by what is not God;

They have moved Me to anger by their foolish idols.
But I will provoke them to jealousy by those who are not a nation;
I will move them to anger by a foolish nation.

In this context, it clearly means to cause someone to become angry by things that you do. Israel made God angry by worshipping idols, and God said he would make Israel angry by giving salvation to non-Jews (Romans 10 and 11). So fathers should not make their children angry.

What they should do instead is to bring them up (‘ektrepho’) in the training (‘paideia’) and admonition (‘nouthesia’) of the Lord.

‘Ektrepho’ comes from ‘ek’ (out of, sourced in) and ‘trepho’ (to feed, to nourish, to bring up, to nurture). So it does mean to bring them up.

‘Paideia’ comes from ‘paideuo’, which means to discipline or to punish. ‘Paideia’ is used 6 times in the New Testament, and 4 of those are in Hebrews 5-11, where it describes how God disciplines us for our benefit. This passage may shed some additional light on how fathers should treat their children:

 Hebrews 12:5 And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:
 “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

7 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? 8 But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. 11 Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

‘Nouthesia’ comes from ‘nous’ (mind) and ‘tithemi’ (to place, to set). As a verb, it literally means to set someone’s mind (place in the right mind) and it usually gets translated as to admonish or to warn.

So, fathers have to do a variety of things to raise and train their children into holy and righteous people. That is their main task as a father. And they have to do it in such a way that it does not cause their children to be angry with them.

Sounds difficult? Yes, fathers have an incredible challenging task in the raising of their children. The temptation is to overlook the training and disciplining part and just allow the children to do whatever they want. This may cause children not to be angry with their dads, but it will probably also cause them to grow up as terrible spoiled brats who feel entitled to anything.

It is impossible to explain everything that goes into this task in a short blog post. Books can be written about it. In fact, books have been written about it. To Train up a Child by Michael Pearl, and Dare to Discipline by James Dobson are just two examples.

The principle is clear. Fathers have to raise their children in the training and admonition of the Lord, and do it in such a way that their children are not angry with them. Godspeed!